This just flowed. Have nothing to say about it though. Just enjoy and let me know what you think please!
i’m awoken by smoke as i arise from my slumber/
can barely hear my family’s cries squelched by the thunder/
or maybe they aren’t here but how did they all disappear/
as i wait for the mist to clear i’m having fits of fear/
i pull the blinds aside the world looks bleak and grey/
they have to be dead i say i can’t even speak today/
i walk down to the front door not wanting it to open/
it creaks open i see burnt bodies and bones broken/
the smell of flesh enters my nasal cavity burning it/
past the point of where i could get help from a tourniquet/
i walk the streets filled with death to seek my brethren/
i can’t stop thinking about them as they weep in heaven/
.
January 29, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Wow, different, eventhough I had to kind stop at the lines “nostrils burning it” wish there was a different type of flow.. to it.. nonetheless enjoyed it.
http://kannathil.wordpress.com – my poetry blog.
January 29, 2008 at 10:38 pm
thanks for the feedback..
I could see where you are coming from, so I made a little change
January 30, 2008 at 7:48 am
Wow, thank you!
January 30, 2008 at 11:18 pm
I agree it is different, and it’s rather interesting. The feeling that lies within it..it pulls at me, but I enjoyed reading it.
January 30, 2008 at 11:22 pm
wow..
these comments are making me feel so well-appreciated..
thanks alot, and i look forward to sharing more with you…
February 20, 2008 at 9:40 pm
This poem is a rather haunting work. It paints such a clear picture and captures emotions very well.